Daphne
betrayed us the last time she played Liar, Liar. She became
remorseful upon seeing Penny
soak her boyfriend’s jeans in paraffin and set them on fire. Daphne
then went behind our backs and confessed to Penny that it was all a
lie. A game. Liar, Liar.
That Penny’s
godsend of a boyfriend hadn’t really screwed Daphne in the backseat
of Daphne’s Rav4. That didn’t solve anything, because Penny still
broke up with her boyfriend. As in, burning your boyfriend’s clothes
is a move that has no coming back from. It’s in the same terminal
class as hooking up with his brother.
betrayed us the last time she played Liar, Liar. She became
remorseful upon seeing Penny
soak her boyfriend’s jeans in paraffin and set them on fire. Daphne
then went behind our backs and confessed to Penny that it was all a
lie. A game. Liar, Liar.
That Penny’s
godsend of a boyfriend hadn’t really screwed Daphne in the backseat
of Daphne’s Rav4. That didn’t solve anything, because Penny still
broke up with her boyfriend. As in, burning your boyfriend’s clothes
is a move that has no coming back from. It’s in the same terminal
class as hooking up with his brother.
Daphne
lost her best friend that day, and she lost, eternally, my respect
too.
lost her best friend that day, and she lost, eternally, my respect
too.
So,
at breakfast in the guild canteen, when she came to our table, pulled
a chair, sat down and asked to play again, Momo, Nisha and I weren’t
particularly psyched.
at breakfast in the guild canteen, when she came to our table, pulled
a chair, sat down and asked to play again, Momo, Nisha and I weren’t
particularly psyched.
Daphne
leaned against the table, her cleavage spilling all over the wooden
veneer and said, “Vee, I swear I won’t disappoint you. I’ve got the
perfect lie.”
leaned against the table, her cleavage spilling all over the wooden
veneer and said, “Vee, I swear I won’t disappoint you. I’ve got the
perfect lie.”
I
glanced at Momo and Nisha, who, wanting to appear neutral, only
shrugged. I shouldn’t have indulged Daphne, but it was the middle of
October, we had flanked all our tests, and for the next month or so,
Makerere University Business School would feel like living in
someone’s memory of a university. Only that person’s memory would be
fading.
glanced at Momo and Nisha, who, wanting to appear neutral, only
shrugged. I shouldn’t have indulged Daphne, but it was the middle of
October, we had flanked all our tests, and for the next month or so,
Makerere University Business School would feel like living in
someone’s memory of a university. Only that person’s memory would be
fading.
“Okay,”
I said. “Let’s hear this lie?”
I said. “Let’s hear this lie?”
Daphne
got up, hugged me, smiled at Momo and Nisha, then left the canteen.
got up, hugged me, smiled at Momo and Nisha, then left the canteen.
“Hey,”
I called after her. “The lie?”
I called after her. “The lie?”
Over
her shoulder, she said, “Oh, you’ll hear it, Vee. It’s about you
after all.”
her shoulder, she said, “Oh, you’ll hear it, Vee. It’s about you
after all.”
Momo,
all thoughtful, said, “Isn’t that against –”
all thoughtful, said, “Isn’t that against –”
“The
rules? Yes,” Nisha said. She turned to me. “Shouldn’t you be
like, worried – I mean, it must be a very good lie if she even
warns us about it?”
rules? Yes,” Nisha said. She turned to me. “Shouldn’t you be
like, worried – I mean, it must be a very good lie if she even
warns us about it?”
I
shrugged. Daphne couldn’t possibly back up any lie she would cook up
about me. She was such a flake. Besides, she could only hurt me by
fooling Momo and Nisha, who already knew we were only playing Liar,
Liar.
shrugged. Daphne couldn’t possibly back up any lie she would cook up
about me. She was such a flake. Besides, she could only hurt me by
fooling Momo and Nisha, who already knew we were only playing Liar,
Liar.
After
breakfast, Momo got up and wrapped her sweater around her waist,
while Nisha grabbed her straw fedora and sunglasses, and we left.
They had noon lectures. I had a saloon appointment I had been saving
three days for. I couldn’t afford the weekly trips to Sparkles
anymore. Not with Jerry out of the picture.
breakfast, Momo got up and wrapped her sweater around her waist,
while Nisha grabbed her straw fedora and sunglasses, and we left.
They had noon lectures. I had a saloon appointment I had been saving
three days for. I couldn’t afford the weekly trips to Sparkles
anymore. Not with Jerry out of the picture.
I
got a facial and touch-up. It left me with a headache that could
cripple a mountain. I couldn’t deal with a taxi, so I got a bodaboda
back to Prudence Girls Hostel. This was around one p.m.
got a facial and touch-up. It left me with a headache that could
cripple a mountain. I couldn’t deal with a taxi, so I got a bodaboda
back to Prudence Girls Hostel. This was around one p.m.
I
slipped into our gate and found a chattering crowd gathered in the
narrow parking. My head felt tight and unbalanced, I couldn’t stand
around gossiping.
slipped into our gate and found a chattering crowd gathered in the
narrow parking. My head felt tight and unbalanced, I couldn’t stand
around gossiping.
I
made my way up the stairs, past spazzy-looking girls and boys,
leaning against the railings, their attention drawn to something I
couldn’t figure out.
made my way up the stairs, past spazzy-looking girls and boys,
leaning against the railings, their attention drawn to something I
couldn’t figure out.
Static
excitement had charged the corridors, but this wasn’t like that time
last sem when a fresher committed suicide. This was like when people
gather at a crash site along Masaka road, to rob the dead.
excitement had charged the corridors, but this wasn’t like that time
last sem when a fresher committed suicide. This was like when people
gather at a crash site along Masaka road, to rob the dead.
I
moved between them, saying, ‘Excuse me, Excuse me.’ They gave me more
attention than my politeness required. I felt self-conscious, asked
myself, is it my hair? Is there some unwashed green goo left over
from my hurried facial?
moved between them, saying, ‘Excuse me, Excuse me.’ They gave me more
attention than my politeness required. I felt self-conscious, asked
myself, is it my hair? Is there some unwashed green goo left over
from my hurried facial?
Some
of the unfamiliar faces pointed fingers at me, then turned back to
speak among themselves in hushed tones. I didn’t mind them. I
continued up the stairs until I reached the second floor and found
Rachel, my roomie, leaning against the balcony railing, waxing her
glasses on her crepe blouse, with a cigarette dangling from her hand.
She saw me and shook her head.
of the unfamiliar faces pointed fingers at me, then turned back to
speak among themselves in hushed tones. I didn’t mind them. I
continued up the stairs until I reached the second floor and found
Rachel, my roomie, leaning against the balcony railing, waxing her
glasses on her crepe blouse, with a cigarette dangling from her hand.
She saw me and shook her head.
“What?”
I asked.
I asked.
Rachel
said nothing. She put her glasses back on and threw her cigarette
into the flower pot.
said nothing. She put her glasses back on and threw her cigarette
into the flower pot.
I
followed her into our room. Only it wasn’t our room anymore. It was a
crash site. Momo and Nisha, restless, were standing over the mess on
the floor. Rachel told me they had ransacked every inch of the room,
even my dirty knickers in the wicker-basket. The carpet was rolled
up, the TV and fridge unplugged, and our drawers rifled through.
followed her into our room. Only it wasn’t our room anymore. It was a
crash site. Momo and Nisha, restless, were standing over the mess on
the floor. Rachel told me they had ransacked every inch of the room,
even my dirty knickers in the wicker-basket. The carpet was rolled
up, the TV and fridge unplugged, and our drawers rifled through.
Momo
turned to me and said, “Where’s it?”
turned to me and said, “Where’s it?”
“Where’s
what?”
what?”
“Don’t
play around, Vee.”
play around, Vee.”
I
scoffed, thinking it was some kind of game
scoffed, thinking it was some kind of game
Nisha
came over, snatched my bag and upended all its contents on the floor.
They both dropped to their knees and searched through the mess. I
went mute, paralyzed with shock. This wasn’t like one of those times
when I don’t know what to say to something awkward so I play dumb.
This was me just plain dumb.
came over, snatched my bag and upended all its contents on the floor.
They both dropped to their knees and searched through the mess. I
went mute, paralyzed with shock. This wasn’t like one of those times
when I don’t know what to say to something awkward so I play dumb.
This was me just plain dumb.
“I
can’t see it,” Momo said. “Where is it?”
can’t see it,” Momo said. “Where is it?”
I
turned to Rachel, she just shrugged. She would have laughed if this
wasn’t happening to me.
turned to Rachel, she just shrugged. She would have laughed if this
wasn’t happening to me.
Momo
stood up, her breath whinny, her eyes rimmed with tears that she was
too angry to acknowledge.
stood up, her breath whinny, her eyes rimmed with tears that she was
too angry to acknowledge.
“Please
tell me what you think I’ve hidden?” I said.
tell me what you think I’ve hidden?” I said.
Momo
bit her lower lip. Nisha looked at the cluttered mess, like she
wanted another look-around.
bit her lower lip. Nisha looked at the cluttered mess, like she
wanted another look-around.
“I
never thought you could betray us like this, Vayolah,” Momo said.
never thought you could betray us like this, Vayolah,” Momo said.
Viola,
Momo. Not Va-yo-lah.
Momo. Not Va-yo-lah.
I
reached out my hand to, I don’t know, calm her. The last time she was
mad at me was, hmmn, forever ago.
reached out my hand to, I don’t know, calm her. The last time she was
mad at me was, hmmn, forever ago.
“I
thought we were friends,” Nisha added, her voice shaky, but she
betrayed no emotion on her doll face. Which wasn’t surprising,
sometimes Nisha is a bookshelf with no books. She’s the kind of
person who smiles and frowns with only her eyes. Talking to her can
be an endless exercise of reading between the lines.
thought we were friends,” Nisha added, her voice shaky, but she
betrayed no emotion on her doll face. Which wasn’t surprising,
sometimes Nisha is a bookshelf with no books. She’s the kind of
person who smiles and frowns with only her eyes. Talking to her can
be an endless exercise of reading between the lines.
“Well,
friends tell each other stuff,” I said. “I don’t even know what
I’ve done to get you two so bitchy –”
friends tell each other stuff,” I said. “I don’t even know what
I’ve done to get you two so bitchy –”
“Bitchy?”
Momo cut in.
Momo cut in.
Yes.
“Guys,”
Rachel stepped up, her hands held high. “What’s this all about?”
Rachel stepped up, her hands held high. “What’s this all about?”
“Shut
up, Judas,” Nisha said. “Stop protecting her.”
up, Judas,” Nisha said. “Stop protecting her.”
I
laughed. “Momo, Nisha, whatever Daphne told you, it’s not true.”
laughed. “Momo, Nisha, whatever Daphne told you, it’s not true.”
“This
has nothing to do with Daphne,” Momo said.
has nothing to do with Daphne,” Momo said.
“This
is about you betraying us,” Nisha said.
is about you betraying us,” Nisha said.
“Oh
enough, both of you, just, enough. Okay?” I clapped. “Great
acting, you had me fooled, hahaha, but the joke’s not funny anymore.
Now put my stuff back together, and maybe we can get back to where we
were?”
enough, both of you, just, enough. Okay?” I clapped. “Great
acting, you had me fooled, hahaha, but the joke’s not funny anymore.
Now put my stuff back together, and maybe we can get back to where we
were?”
No
one spoke for a while.
one spoke for a while.
“Let’s
go, she’s not going to tell us,” Nisha pulled Momo’s hand. Momo
didn’t move. She stared as though she wanted to do evil things to my
toothbrush then make me use it.
go, she’s not going to tell us,” Nisha pulled Momo’s hand. Momo
didn’t move. She stared as though she wanted to do evil things to my
toothbrush then make me use it.
Nisha
pulled her hand again. “Let’s go Momo, we don’t have friends here.”
Nisha guided Momo to the door. Momo wheeled back and picked up, the
silk scarf she got me for my birthday.
pulled her hand again. “Let’s go Momo, we don’t have friends here.”
Nisha guided Momo to the door. Momo wheeled back and picked up, the
silk scarf she got me for my birthday.
Their
departure was stamped with more rude stares.
departure was stamped with more rude stares.
Rachel
closed the door behind them and scoffed and shook her head. “Friends,
huh?” She could comfortably say that. Rachel had always been so
self-absorbed, like a hospital-patient. Just me, me, me all the time.
But I couldn’t help taking her side. I mean, Friends? Really, who
needs them? Not me, not if they were that fickle.
closed the door behind them and scoffed and shook her head. “Friends,
huh?” She could comfortably say that. Rachel had always been so
self-absorbed, like a hospital-patient. Just me, me, me all the time.
But I couldn’t help taking her side. I mean, Friends? Really, who
needs them? Not me, not if they were that fickle.
Rachel
picked up the spilled CDs and magazines. I picked up the knickers and
clothes.
picked up the spilled CDs and magazines. I picked up the knickers and
clothes.
As
we reorganized our room, Rachel told me how Momo and Nisha had
stormed in, calling me filthy names. They didn’t tell her what they
wanted, they just ransacked the room. Rachel had thought it was a
game, like we used to play in first year.
we reorganized our room, Rachel told me how Momo and Nisha had
stormed in, calling me filthy names. They didn’t tell her what they
wanted, they just ransacked the room. Rachel had thought it was a
game, like we used to play in first year.
Oh,
first year, those pillow fights and drink-ups, and third-year
benchers, what happened to us, how did we get here? It was like we
got to third year and everybody got a personality-transplant. Now we
are allergic to the people they once were. The old Momo wouldn’t have
called me all those names, and I know I deserved to be called worse,
but she had always been there for me. And me, the old me wouldn’t
have pretended to not care so much.
first year, those pillow fights and drink-ups, and third-year
benchers, what happened to us, how did we get here? It was like we
got to third year and everybody got a personality-transplant. Now we
are allergic to the people they once were. The old Momo wouldn’t have
called me all those names, and I know I deserved to be called worse,
but she had always been there for me. And me, the old me wouldn’t
have pretended to not care so much.
“What
are you going to do?” Rachel asked.
are you going to do?” Rachel asked.
I
thought about it a moment then said, “Make Daphne wish Penny had
burnt her instead of her boyfriend’s clothes.”
thought about it a moment then said, “Make Daphne wish Penny had
burnt her instead of her boyfriend’s clothes.”
MUBS
was someone’s fading memory of a campus and the memory of Daphne
seemed to have faded along with it. No one could remember the last
place or time they had seen her.
was someone’s fading memory of a campus and the memory of Daphne
seemed to have faded along with it. No one could remember the last
place or time they had seen her.
I
went to her hostel in Samuel Courts, looked into her room through the
open window. Her bed seemed like it hadn’t been slept in for weeks.
Very neat, even for Daphne. Neither was she at the basketball court.
She wasn’t in the library or in the guild canteen. I couldn’t find
her in any of her usual places, but however large MUBS is, her lie
had spread like exam fever, especially among the third years. Some of
it was in my head but I was sure a lot of the third years knew, at
least about the Momo-Nisha thing. I could feel eyes following me
everywhere.
went to her hostel in Samuel Courts, looked into her room through the
open window. Her bed seemed like it hadn’t been slept in for weeks.
Very neat, even for Daphne. Neither was she at the basketball court.
She wasn’t in the library or in the guild canteen. I couldn’t find
her in any of her usual places, but however large MUBS is, her lie
had spread like exam fever, especially among the third years. Some of
it was in my head but I was sure a lot of the third years knew, at
least about the Momo-Nisha thing. I could feel eyes following me
everywhere.
I
crossed the scattered gardens around the lecture blocks behind the
admin block. I crossed the post-grad block, passed the guild offices,
sloped down to the mosque, and moved aimlessly in its gardens. Just
walking, trying to hide in plain sight, even if I didn’t really need
to. But that was the thing with Liar, Liar.,
a well told lie
makes you a target to everyone. MUBS becomes a much smaller hell than
it usually is.
crossed the scattered gardens around the lecture blocks behind the
admin block. I crossed the post-grad block, passed the guild offices,
sloped down to the mosque, and moved aimlessly in its gardens. Just
walking, trying to hide in plain sight, even if I didn’t really need
to. But that was the thing with Liar, Liar.,
a well told lie
makes you a target to everyone. MUBS becomes a much smaller hell than
it usually is.
I
could hide, I thought. I could have gone home, commuted from Ntinda
for a few days. But I would not have escaped it. Plus, I wasn’t going
to give that Mrs-I-have-got-the-perfect-lie the satisfaction of
seeing me squirm. Besides, if her last episode with Penny was any
indication, Daphne would fold. But how much would I suffer first?
could hide, I thought. I could have gone home, commuted from Ntinda
for a few days. But I would not have escaped it. Plus, I wasn’t going
to give that Mrs-I-have-got-the-perfect-lie the satisfaction of
seeing me squirm. Besides, if her last episode with Penny was any
indication, Daphne would fold. But how much would I suffer first?
Lectures
passed in a daze. I wasn’t really attentive throughout the four
hours. My eyes were glued to the door, waiting for Daphne to show up,
if not her, then at least Momo and Nisha, but no one showed up.
passed in a daze. I wasn’t really attentive throughout the four
hours. My eyes were glued to the door, waiting for Daphne to show up,
if not her, then at least Momo and Nisha, but no one showed up.
Lectures
ended, and as I walked out of the hall, a group of seemingly
anonymous girls blocked my way. The looks they gave me were as flat
as iron boards. Daphne had fed them the lies too. They wanted to pull
out my hair and feed me their shoes.
ended, and as I walked out of the hall, a group of seemingly
anonymous girls blocked my way. The looks they gave me were as flat
as iron boards. Daphne had fed them the lies too. They wanted to pull
out my hair and feed me their shoes.
One
spit on my pumps. I spat back and she was wearing only sandals. It
escalated pretty fast. She tried to slap me. I went back into the
hall and glided between the rows of desks and slipped out through the
side door and ran up to the Main Library.
spit on my pumps. I spat back and she was wearing only sandals. It
escalated pretty fast. She tried to slap me. I went back into the
hall and glided between the rows of desks and slipped out through the
side door and ran up to the Main Library.
Hiding
in the library, I felt like maybe I had taken a very dim view of the
whole thing. Daphne’s lie was bigger than me or Daphne, or Momo or
Nisha.
in the library, I felt like maybe I had taken a very dim view of the
whole thing. Daphne’s lie was bigger than me or Daphne, or Momo or
Nisha.
I
needed to worry. Seemed like the gears of what was real, what was
true, had slipped. And I didn’t even have a clutch to hold on to.
needed to worry. Seemed like the gears of what was real, what was
true, had slipped. And I didn’t even have a clutch to hold on to.
The
food court at Akamwesi Complex was never deserted, not at even at
eleven thirty in the night, but this time it was. That was a blessing
in disguise. I couldn’t deal with any familiar face. I ordered
fries, nyama choma, and banana frappé and then made a last minute
dash for Samuel Courts.
food court at Akamwesi Complex was never deserted, not at even at
eleven thirty in the night, but this time it was. That was a blessing
in disguise. I couldn’t deal with any familiar face. I ordered
fries, nyama choma, and banana frappé and then made a last minute
dash for Samuel Courts.
Daphne’s
Rav4 was in the parking lot, but the lights in her room were off. I
knocked. No one answered. Determined not to leave without seeing her,
I waited in the corridor for hours. I dozed off, and woke up after
two o’clock, to cold chips, sharp-smelling nyama choma, and the
frappé had melted under my arm.
Rav4 was in the parking lot, but the lights in her room were off. I
knocked. No one answered. Determined not to leave without seeing her,
I waited in the corridor for hours. I dozed off, and woke up after
two o’clock, to cold chips, sharp-smelling nyama choma, and the
frappé had melted under my arm.
Perfect.
Just perfect.
Just perfect.
I
checked Daphne’s room again, no lights, no Daphne. I walked out and
found her Rav4 gone. The askari allegedly didn’t notice what time she
drove out.
checked Daphne’s room again, no lights, no Daphne. I walked out and
found her Rav4 gone. The askari allegedly didn’t notice what time she
drove out.
It
felt like the whole of MUBS was siding with her.
felt like the whole of MUBS was siding with her.
I
left Samuel Courts cursing and walked back to Prudence Girls.
left Samuel Courts cursing and walked back to Prudence Girls.
Rachel
was still up. She played Shaa’s Sugua
Gaga on the music
system. That was her official I’m-having-sex-don’t-knock song.
was still up. She played Shaa’s Sugua
Gaga on the music
system. That was her official I’m-having-sex-don’t-knock song.
Perfect.
Just perfect.
Just perfect.
I
sat down in the corridor, my knees brought up high to my chest. I
wanted to curl into a ball and just roll away and get stepped on by a
truck.
sat down in the corridor, my knees brought up high to my chest. I
wanted to curl into a ball and just roll away and get stepped on by a
truck.
My
calves hurt, my neck was stiff and I stunk.
calves hurt, my neck was stiff and I stunk.
I
was too tired to be awake and too awake to be tired. This must be
what it feels like to be a zombie. I could go to Jerry, but it
wouldn’t have been fair to toy with his feelings. Me showing up in
the middle of the night looking as I did would have hyper tensed his
hopes. Some bridges once crossed are better left burned. There are
only a finite number of times you can break-up and make-up and
break-up with someone.
was too tired to be awake and too awake to be tired. This must be
what it feels like to be a zombie. I could go to Jerry, but it
wouldn’t have been fair to toy with his feelings. Me showing up in
the middle of the night looking as I did would have hyper tensed his
hopes. Some bridges once crossed are better left burned. There are
only a finite number of times you can break-up and make-up and
break-up with someone.
I
tucked my chin into my hoodie and nibbled my cold fries and nyama
choma. The lukewarm frappé left a sour taste that turned my stomach.
I leaned over the balcony and vomited. Sorry.
tucked my chin into my hoodie and nibbled my cold fries and nyama
choma. The lukewarm frappé left a sour taste that turned my stomach.
I leaned over the balcony and vomited. Sorry.
I
wiped my mouth and settled back down, curled into a fetal position
and fell into a restless sleep filled with anxious dreams of
crucifixions and bodiless mouths sweeping me up and eating me.
wiped my mouth and settled back down, curled into a fetal position
and fell into a restless sleep filled with anxious dreams of
crucifixions and bodiless mouths sweeping me up and eating me.
At
four, I shivered awake. Rachel was shaking my shoulders.
four, I shivered awake. Rachel was shaking my shoulders.
“You
were screaming,” she said.
were screaming,” she said.
Her
face was lean and ruddy in the dim balcony light. Her eyes were
vacant, and her hair was all over the place. She wore only a tank
top, shorts, leggings, and she puffed a cigarette. Rachel had been
smoking for as long as I had known her. She once told me she was
afraid she would lose it, personality-wise, if she ever stopped
smoking. She’d had four roommates before me. None stayed more than a
week. I could tolerate almost everything about Rachel. I just
couldn’t let her cook, though. The pepper she ate could choke an
Indian. Maybe all those cigarettes had scrubbed all the sensitivity
from her taste buds. Neither could I go dress-shopping with her,
standing next to her I’d always end up looking like a talking
elephant. It was enviable, Rachel’s ability to not gain weight
despite how much she ate. All her coughing was the greatest
weight-loss exercise.
face was lean and ruddy in the dim balcony light. Her eyes were
vacant, and her hair was all over the place. She wore only a tank
top, shorts, leggings, and she puffed a cigarette. Rachel had been
smoking for as long as I had known her. She once told me she was
afraid she would lose it, personality-wise, if she ever stopped
smoking. She’d had four roommates before me. None stayed more than a
week. I could tolerate almost everything about Rachel. I just
couldn’t let her cook, though. The pepper she ate could choke an
Indian. Maybe all those cigarettes had scrubbed all the sensitivity
from her taste buds. Neither could I go dress-shopping with her,
standing next to her I’d always end up looking like a talking
elephant. It was enviable, Rachel’s ability to not gain weight
despite how much she ate. All her coughing was the greatest
weight-loss exercise.
Rachel
was my only friend right now. She offered me a cigarette.
was my only friend right now. She offered me a cigarette.
“To
calm you,” she said.
calm you,” she said.
We
had been roomies for three years. I didn’t smoke but she never missed
an opportunity to offer me a cigarette. I said thanks like I always
do. I hugged her, dragged myself inside the room, and crawled under
the heap of pillows on my bed.
had been roomies for three years. I didn’t smoke but she never missed
an opportunity to offer me a cigarette. I said thanks like I always
do. I hugged her, dragged myself inside the room, and crawled under
the heap of pillows on my bed.
She
came in after about two more cigarettes. She switched the light back
on and sat on my bed. Her hands flat on her thighs. She talked, but I
drifted to sleep easily.
came in after about two more cigarettes. She switched the light back
on and sat on my bed. Her hands flat on her thighs. She talked, but I
drifted to sleep easily.
She
shook me and continued. “Remember that time in first year?” she
said. “When you walked in and found me doing that… that
disgusting stuff with the eggplant, and you laughed so hard? But you
said you weren’t laughing at me. You said you were laughing ’cause it
was happening to you a lot—walking into people doing disgusting
stuff, I mean. Do you remember that?
shook me and continued. “Remember that time in first year?” she
said. “When you walked in and found me doing that… that
disgusting stuff with the eggplant, and you laughed so hard? But you
said you weren’t laughing at me. You said you were laughing ’cause it
was happening to you a lot—walking into people doing disgusting
stuff, I mean. Do you remember that?
“It’s
four,” I said. “Can’t we do this tomorrow?”
four,” I said. “Can’t we do this tomorrow?”
“Do
you?”
you?”
“Rachel,
is there a moral to this?”
is there a moral to this?”
“I’d
like to think we’re close… Not as close as you and Momo and Nisha,
but close, at least close enough not to stab each other in the back.
Yeah?”
like to think we’re close… Not as close as you and Momo and Nisha,
but close, at least close enough not to stab each other in the back.
Yeah?”
I
nodded.
nodded.
“Yesterday
I was probably the only one who reserved any room for doubt about
you. Everyone wanted to crucify you, but I didn’t believe any of it
–”
I was probably the only one who reserved any room for doubt about
you. Everyone wanted to crucify you, but I didn’t believe any of it
–”
“And
I’m very grateful for that, Rachel, but –”
I’m very grateful for that, Rachel, but –”
“Let
me finish. I didn’t believe any of it, until things started to
connect to things only you and I could know, like that day two years
ago.”
me finish. I didn’t believe any of it, until things started to
connect to things only you and I could know, like that day two years
ago.”
“Oh,
God, not you too.”
God, not you too.”
“I
mean, I’m not all that aloof, I watch a lot of TV and I’m sometimes
prone to internal winds you can never feel, but I’d like to think I’m
not that daft to not have at least caught you doing what Daphne said
you did. But you must have been doing it from somewhere else ’cause
I’ve searched this whole room and I can’t find your diary.”
mean, I’m not all that aloof, I watch a lot of TV and I’m sometimes
prone to internal winds you can never feel, but I’d like to think I’m
not that daft to not have at least caught you doing what Daphne said
you did. But you must have been doing it from somewhere else ’cause
I’ve searched this whole room and I can’t find your diary.”
“I
don’t own a diary.”
don’t own a diary.”
“You
wouldn’t call it a diary. It’s much more to you… Is it in your
bag?”
wouldn’t call it a diary. It’s much more to you… Is it in your
bag?”
She
jumped off the bed and upset my bag’s contents on the floor.
jumped off the bed and upset my bag’s contents on the floor.
“Where
is it?” she asked.
is it?” she asked.
“All
this is about a diary?” I scoffed. “We’ve been roomies for years.
If I had a diary, surely you’d have seen it, wouldn’t you?”
this is about a diary?” I scoffed. “We’ve been roomies for years.
If I had a diary, surely you’d have seen it, wouldn’t you?”
“At
this point, Viola, I’m not sure I even know who you are?”
this point, Viola, I’m not sure I even know who you are?”
Me,
a diary, very good, Daphne. Very good. I thought.
a diary, very good, Daphne. Very good. I thought.
The
light didn’t go off, neither did Rachel move. “Where is it, Vee?”
light didn’t go off, neither did Rachel move. “Where is it, Vee?”
I
could hear her breathing, it was slowly becoming raspy.
could hear her breathing, it was slowly becoming raspy.
She
drew closer.
drew closer.
“We
trusted you with our secrets, Vee, and you betrayed us. My name has
already been spoilt. I don’t want to know what my boyfriend will
think, but I can’t let you hurt anyone anymore…”
trusted you with our secrets, Vee, and you betrayed us. My name has
already been spoilt. I don’t want to know what my boyfriend will
think, but I can’t let you hurt anyone anymore…”
I
turned and faced her. “I don’t know what you are talking about,”
I said.
turned and faced her. “I don’t know what you are talking about,”
I said.
“Where’s
it, Vee? I’m not going to ask again.”
it, Vee? I’m not going to ask again.”
“Go
to hell, Rachel. All of you, just go to hell.”
to hell, Rachel. All of you, just go to hell.”
She
leapt at me. I couldn’t move. I was trapped under the duvet. She
slapped me twice, shouting, “Where is it?”
leapt at me. I couldn’t move. I was trapped under the duvet. She
slapped me twice, shouting, “Where is it?”
Being
thin and wasted made Rachel light, so I pushed her off. She landed on
the carpet and crawled on the floor and unplugged the flat iron. I
scrambled out of bed. She chased me. I got out of the room and
slammed the door, bolting it from the outside. A few lights came on,
Rachel woke them up with her banging the door and threatening to kill
me.
thin and wasted made Rachel light, so I pushed her off. She landed on
the carpet and crawled on the floor and unplugged the flat iron. I
scrambled out of bed. She chased me. I got out of the room and
slammed the door, bolting it from the outside. A few lights came on,
Rachel woke them up with her banging the door and threatening to kill
me.
I
zipped up my hoodie and walked away.
zipped up my hoodie and walked away.
So
much for my I-don’t-hurt I-don’t-get-hurt attitude. I thought.
much for my I-don’t-hurt I-don’t-get-hurt attitude. I thought.
It
was an hour before dawn and I was walking to Bugolobi, with no phone,
no purse, no I.D, no shoes. You win, Daphne. You win.
was an hour before dawn and I was walking to Bugolobi, with no phone,
no purse, no I.D, no shoes. You win, Daphne. You win.
I
walked back towards Samuel Courts and sloped down a noisy Kataza. I
couldn’t risk stopping the speeding Bodabodas. That time of night, it
was asking for a Police Statement, an HIV test, and P.E.P. I walked
past the well-lit Village Mall, its lights filled the air with a
buzzing static feel that lathered my skin in goose pimples. I hugged
my hoodie tighter and moved straight on the main road, limping on the
smooth tarmac till I got to Bugolobi market. I walked past a quiet
Bamboo Nest, and crossed up to the flats, Block B. The askari hassled
me a while until I gave him the coins I had tucked in my jean
pockets.
walked back towards Samuel Courts and sloped down a noisy Kataza. I
couldn’t risk stopping the speeding Bodabodas. That time of night, it
was asking for a Police Statement, an HIV test, and P.E.P. I walked
past the well-lit Village Mall, its lights filled the air with a
buzzing static feel that lathered my skin in goose pimples. I hugged
my hoodie tighter and moved straight on the main road, limping on the
smooth tarmac till I got to Bugolobi market. I walked past a quiet
Bamboo Nest, and crossed up to the flats, Block B. The askari hassled
me a while until I gave him the coins I had tucked in my jean
pockets.
Jerry’s
apartment was on the third floor. His lights were on. He must have
dozed off while playing his Xbox.
apartment was on the third floor. His lights were on. He must have
dozed off while playing his Xbox.
I
hesitated. Stood in the parking lot, behind the swings, looking at
his windows hoping to see a silhouette of him or something. My
self-pity complex was the size of a whale. What I needed was a good
cry for what Daphne had done to me, but I’d settle for a warm bed.
hesitated. Stood in the parking lot, behind the swings, looking at
his windows hoping to see a silhouette of him or something. My
self-pity complex was the size of a whale. What I needed was a good
cry for what Daphne had done to me, but I’d settle for a warm bed.
I
climbed up the cold stairs, leaning against the walls. I got to his
door and knocked for five minutes before he opened, cursing and
jeering. He softened upon seeing me.
climbed up the cold stairs, leaning against the walls. I got to his
door and knocked for five minutes before he opened, cursing and
jeering. He softened upon seeing me.
He
let me in, taking stock of my appearance. He didn’t ask about my
shoes, he just scolded me for my carelessness.
let me in, taking stock of my appearance. He didn’t ask about my
shoes, he just scolded me for my carelessness.
“You
could have been raped or strangled or strangled and raped.” he
said.
could have been raped or strangled or strangled and raped.” he
said.
We
sat on the sofa and I told him an ‘agreeable’ version of my story:
Rachel had company and I had no where else to go.
sat on the sofa and I told him an ‘agreeable’ version of my story:
Rachel had company and I had no where else to go.
He
arched his brow. At least he didn’t push me to tell the truth.
arched his brow. At least he didn’t push me to tell the truth.
“Well,
I’m glad you came here,” he said, as he hugged me, then he rested
his fingers on my knee.
I’m glad you came here,” he said, as he hugged me, then he rested
his fingers on my knee.
I
yawned. “I could murder some sleep,” I said.
yawned. “I could murder some sleep,” I said.
He
pouted, his mouth looking like the top of a pumpkin. But he let it
go. The old Jerry wouldn’t have given up easily. I insisted on taking
the couch.
pouted, his mouth looking like the top of a pumpkin. But he let it
go. The old Jerry wouldn’t have given up easily. I insisted on taking
the couch.
He
went into his bedroom and returned with a pillow and sheets.
went into his bedroom and returned with a pillow and sheets.
My
stomach growled. “If there’s anything to eat,” I said with a
smile, “I could murder that too.”
stomach growled. “If there’s anything to eat,” I said with a
smile, “I could murder that too.”
All
he had was spaghetti, and wheetabix, with no milk. The spaghetti was
sloshy, tasteless, but nothing a dollop of Heinz could not fix. He
sat and watched me clear it, then he kissed me on my forehead as he
left with the dirty bowl.
he had was spaghetti, and wheetabix, with no milk. The spaghetti was
sloshy, tasteless, but nothing a dollop of Heinz could not fix. He
sat and watched me clear it, then he kissed me on my forehead as he
left with the dirty bowl.
If
I’d had any pity left over from pitying myself, I probably would’ve
followed him back into his bedroom, but enough self-poisoning for one
day, Vee. I told myself.
I’d had any pity left over from pitying myself, I probably would’ve
followed him back into his bedroom, but enough self-poisoning for one
day, Vee. I told myself.
#
The
sun swam in through the split drapes and settled on my face like
surgical lights. I felt more tired than when I went to sleep. My
throat was twizzly, like a rusted lock being picked, and my head was
spinning.
sun swam in through the split drapes and settled on my face like
surgical lights. I felt more tired than when I went to sleep. My
throat was twizzly, like a rusted lock being picked, and my head was
spinning.
It
was eleven o’clock. Jerry was probably already on his third cup of
coffee at the Stanbic Head Office at Crested Towers. He was tall,
affable, good family – if we third years are supposed to aim high,
I couldn’t have aimed any higher. Only problem, though, was, Jerry
was an emotional toddler. Sex and Xbox were the only ways he could
express himself.
was eleven o’clock. Jerry was probably already on his third cup of
coffee at the Stanbic Head Office at Crested Towers. He was tall,
affable, good family – if we third years are supposed to aim high,
I couldn’t have aimed any higher. Only problem, though, was, Jerry
was an emotional toddler. Sex and Xbox were the only ways he could
express himself.
I
got up and showered in the master bathroom. The water that swirled
down the plughole of the bathtub looked murky, like light tea. I
would have loved to think of it as a metaphor for all the dirt that
had been heaped on me the previous day, being washed away.
got up and showered in the master bathroom. The water that swirled
down the plughole of the bathtub looked murky, like light tea. I
would have loved to think of it as a metaphor for all the dirt that
had been heaped on me the previous day, being washed away.
I
should have felt cleaner, but I stepped out of the shower feeling
dirtier. Call it paranoia, but I feared that, back at school no more
than three kilometers away, dirt was still being heaped on my name,
in spite of Daphne’s Liar, Liar having
officially ended.
should have felt cleaner, but I stepped out of the shower feeling
dirtier. Call it paranoia, but I feared that, back at school no more
than three kilometers away, dirt was still being heaped on my name,
in spite of Daphne’s Liar, Liar having
officially ended.
I
didn’t dwell on those sinking feelings. I did what ex’s do. I snooped
around. I mean, if Jerry didn’t want me snooping around, he would
have locked the bedroom.
didn’t dwell on those sinking feelings. I did what ex’s do. I snooped
around. I mean, if Jerry didn’t want me snooping around, he would
have locked the bedroom.
I
sniffed his shirts, same DKNY Red Apple cologne, Gillette Aftershave,
Adidas anti-perspirant clinging to the soft fabric. I checked his
wicker-basket for the Beeswax smell of his dirty laundry. Then
checked the drawer under his bed, the condoms. It was stocked. At
least he was being safe. Was I jealous? Hmmn, maybe.
sniffed his shirts, same DKNY Red Apple cologne, Gillette Aftershave,
Adidas anti-perspirant clinging to the soft fabric. I checked his
wicker-basket for the Beeswax smell of his dirty laundry. Then
checked the drawer under his bed, the condoms. It was stocked. At
least he was being safe. Was I jealous? Hmmn, maybe.
In
the next drawer, he kept his diaries.
the next drawer, he kept his diaries.
It
was weird, that of all people Daphne could have accused of keeping a
diary, she thought of me first. Weird still how I couldn’t even think
of Jerry. I totally blanked out about that one particular habit of
his. He had always kept one. Our problems centered on communication,
not that we were one of those grumpy couples that only communicated
through passive-aggressive silent-treatment, and grudge-sex. Jerry
was the kind of guy who could talk for hours and say absolutely
nothing. He urged me to read his diaries if I wanted to know anything
about him, or about how he really felt. He was a firm believer in
transparency, no secrets. He wanted a fulfilling, but intellectual
relationship, like Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir’s, without the
ménage a trois, of course. But I never read his diaries because I
believed diaries are supposed to be private.
was weird, that of all people Daphne could have accused of keeping a
diary, she thought of me first. Weird still how I couldn’t even think
of Jerry. I totally blanked out about that one particular habit of
his. He had always kept one. Our problems centered on communication,
not that we were one of those grumpy couples that only communicated
through passive-aggressive silent-treatment, and grudge-sex. Jerry
was the kind of guy who could talk for hours and say absolutely
nothing. He urged me to read his diaries if I wanted to know anything
about him, or about how he really felt. He was a firm believer in
transparency, no secrets. He wanted a fulfilling, but intellectual
relationship, like Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir’s, without the
ménage a trois, of course. But I never read his diaries because I
believed diaries are supposed to be private.
Until
that morning.
that morning.
Yes.
Rachel was right. I had the uncanny aptitude of walking in on people
doing those nasty things they would do only if they were sure no one
was watching, and I told Jerry all these things.
Rachel was right. I had the uncanny aptitude of walking in on people
doing those nasty things they would do only if they were sure no one
was watching, and I told Jerry all these things.
He
must have written about them in his diaries.
must have written about them in his diaries.
I
picked up the ones from two years back, and coughed like Rachel while
dusting them, but that was a small price to pay for finding out the
truth. Daphne’s lie?
picked up the ones from two years back, and coughed like Rachel while
dusting them, but that was a small price to pay for finding out the
truth. Daphne’s lie?
The
diaries were quite heavy reading, but I found all that stuff about
Rachel and the eggplant, about Momo and Nisha swapping uncles, about
the girl who spit on me in class, about how Jemimah really topped our
class. Plus a bunch of other girls from hostel, whose faces I
couldn’t place to the names and room numbers.
diaries were quite heavy reading, but I found all that stuff about
Rachel and the eggplant, about Momo and Nisha swapping uncles, about
the girl who spit on me in class, about how Jemimah really topped our
class. Plus a bunch of other girls from hostel, whose faces I
couldn’t place to the names and room numbers.
My
first thought was this was too much of a coincidence to be real.
Second thought was how could Daphne have known? I never told Momo or
Nisha about Jerry’s diaries, and Jerry, macho-man that he was, didn’t
walk around telling people he kept a diary.
first thought was this was too much of a coincidence to be real.
Second thought was how could Daphne have known? I never told Momo or
Nisha about Jerry’s diaries, and Jerry, macho-man that he was, didn’t
walk around telling people he kept a diary.
I
dumped the old diaries and jumped to the current, the one after our
last breakup. It was heavier reading, mostly about the breakup, about
wishing I would rot in hell for dumping him through Facebook. Yes, I
know, I know, I deserved that and more, I mean, who does something
like that? There were pages full of colorful expletives about me that
I wish I could unread.
dumped the old diaries and jumped to the current, the one after our
last breakup. It was heavier reading, mostly about the breakup, about
wishing I would rot in hell for dumping him through Facebook. Yes, I
know, I know, I deserved that and more, I mean, who does something
like that? There were pages full of colorful expletives about me that
I wish I could unread.
I
skipped a few dates, and got to around the middle of last sem, when
Daphne had that episode with Penny. A week or so later, Daphne and
Jerry started dating. Typical rebound stuff, only Jerry always made
Daphne talk about me, especially along the lines of who was I dating?
skipped a few dates, and got to around the middle of last sem, when
Daphne had that episode with Penny. A week or so later, Daphne and
Jerry started dating. Typical rebound stuff, only Jerry always made
Daphne talk about me, especially along the lines of who was I dating?
She
must have figured out a way to get back at me for abandoning her
after the Penny affair. I was her oldest friend and, in her time of
need, I chose a stupid game over her.
must have figured out a way to get back at me for abandoning her
after the Penny affair. I was her oldest friend and, in her time of
need, I chose a stupid game over her.
The
last entry she featured in was from the day before yesterday, Jerry
wrote about Daphne breaking it up. Why? Daphne said “She had a
feeling, Vee would come knocking on my door.”
last entry she featured in was from the day before yesterday, Jerry
wrote about Daphne breaking it up. Why? Daphne said “She had a
feeling, Vee would come knocking on my door.”
I
slumped back against the bed, and let all that sink in.
slumped back against the bed, and let all that sink in.
Daphne,
you crafty little nympho, you cheated at Liar, Liar, again.
you crafty little nympho, you cheated at Liar, Liar, again.
You
told the truth.
told the truth.
~~
Derek
Lubangakene is
a poet, writer of Fantasy fiction and a screenwriter, living in
Kampala, Uganda. His poetry has been published in The Missing Slate
and The Kalahari Review, plus in a few local newspapers. He was also
longlisted for the 2013 Golden Baobab Prize. He is an avid reader, an
incessant tweeter (@d_slays_dragons) and occasionally blogs about
writing on his personal blog dereklubangakene.wordpress.com
Lubangakene is
a poet, writer of Fantasy fiction and a screenwriter, living in
Kampala, Uganda. His poetry has been published in The Missing Slate
and The Kalahari Review, plus in a few local newspapers. He was also
longlisted for the 2013 Golden Baobab Prize. He is an avid reader, an
incessant tweeter (@d_slays_dragons) and occasionally blogs about
writing on his personal blog dereklubangakene.wordpress.com
~~
~~
Also in this Issue
Short Stories
Poems
